I've quit my job. I called my boss up this morning and told him I couldn't work there no more. He was pretty pissed off... but whatever. It's for the best. That place was getting me into more trouble than it was worth. Yeah, okay, so I made some bad decisions. But maybe if I hadn't put myself in a position to be so easily influenced then I wouldn't be in this situation I'm in right now. So no more naked women combined with alcohol. I'm quitting cold turkey.

On the other hand, you could say I'm doing too little too late. The damage is already done, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I'm taking the stance that all I can do now is pick up the pieces of my shattered life, put them all back together the best I can, and try to live my life the best I can - while trying to become a better human being. Most of you are probably laughing at that... Alex, being a better person? Yeah right. Well, you know what? I'm actually trying. Because I've finally realised I've successfully pushed away anyone and everyone who ever cared, and now that I've hit rock-bottom I've got no one to turn to - and it really sucks.

Tomorrow starts the job hunt... wish me luck. If you still care.

AC~

All I ever do is fuck everything up.

If you see my husband, ask him to come home...

I'm pleased to announce the goldfish now has a name -- Catfood! Poor thing has gone from living in a jam jar to a fancy new aquarium, but until now remained nameless. I'd post a picture of him, but I know Spin and Ellie both hate random pictures showing up on their flists. Sean doesn't actually know I've named the fish yet... it was kind of a point of conflict between the two of us for a while there. Man, if we can't agree on a name for a fish, I dread to think what it'll be like when we try to name our kids. World War 3 or bust.

Sean and I went out for a night on the town to celebrate his birthday a couple nights before the party his work buddies threw for him. I'd scored us some VIP passes to a swanky club downtown, plus booked us a suite at the Royal York Hotel on Front Street. Our whirlwind trip to Vegas didn't exactly include honeymoon time, so I think this more than made up for it. ;) Guy still hasn't wiped the grin off his face, so I think it's safe to say we celebrated in the right way. And it's safe to say he wasn't the only one who had fun. I don't care what anyone says, three's definitely company. Especially the company we had. ;)

His birthday party was also pretty fun... let's just turn a blind eye to where his work buddies got the money for that, mmk? I really hope Sean's not involved in that shit... he's been making more money, and he says its a raise, but I dunno... the last thing we need are drug charges on top of that pending murder trial... jesus. Thanks to everyone who came out. :)

Been spending a lot more time with Jess these days... she really misses Manny. :( Mikayla sure is cute... takes after her mother way more than her dad, thank god. ;) The baby's cute and all, but I'm pretty sure I still don't want any of my own... despite what Sean wants. :P

So there's your update. What have you freaks been doing?

AC~

Been busy lately.  Thanks to everyone who came out to me and Sean's housewarming/wedding reception.  Craig even got us a gift... a little goldfish!  Which we still haven't named.  Or got a proper aquarium for.  Sean's not too keen on the little fishie, so it's still living in an empty jam jar right now :(  He wants it to die, but I want it to live.  It's a cute little bugger!  Maybe I'll go to the pet store and get a proper aquarium and some gravel and plants and a little battery operated diver to keep him company.  .....I'm getting way too into this pet thing, I know.

Sean and Craig had this brilliant idea to lock me and Ellie in the laundry room to work out our differences or some shit.  Well, we made up, I guess.  We're not at each other's throats, so I figure that's a good thing.  I still made Sean sleep on the couch for it though, despite his valiant effort to convince me otherwise... Which Manny happened to walk in on, oops. :P

Hung out with Jess yesterday at Tim Horton's, for a real cup of coffee and some donuts.  Was good times.  Kinda nice to have a girl to hang out with... Cameron's okay and all, but you can't have girl talk with him. :P  Well, you can... you just don't want to. Hahahaha.  We bounced around some ideas for Sean's birthday... I'm pretty sure what I want to do for him.  I just hope he's down with it.

Anyways, hope you freaks are all doing okay.  Look me up if you're bored.

Ugh, late shifts suck... but that's what I get for taking a few days off... I have to suffer with the bitch shifts for a while.

Let me tell you though, the days off were worth it. ;)  Sean and I skipped town for a bit and went and got married.  Given the fact that the skank who was supposed to be my maid of honour is no longer my friend, and the fact that most of you freaks CAN'T GET ALONG, we figured we'd just go get married by ourselves, without the drama kthnx.

Of course, we're already having a bit of our OWN drama right now.  First fight as a married couple... we didn't actually finish the fight because I had to leave for work.  Worst mistake ever, I should have just called in or shown up late.  Because its worse now.  Sean isn't  here... I guess he left for work before I got home.  I hope he went to work and not to Ellie's... he thinks I don't know that's where he goes when gets all bent out of shape.  Some things just never change.  And it's all over something as tiny and unimportant as me not being sure if I want to change my last name. Pffft.

Anyways, I just want to say to Nash: How the HELL could I have ordered all that shit and sent it to your place when I wasn't even in town?! Yeah, chew on that, bitch.

Oh, and Housewarming/Wedding Reception at the Nunez-Cameron me and Sean's place this weekend.  BYOB, duh.

Catch you freaks later
AN~

Okay, so I really have to wonder why I even freaking bother with Eleanor Nash anymore.  Our friendship goes off and on more often than a fucking light switch.  

I tried to make peace with her, I really did.  I even asked her to be my maid of honour.  And you know what she did?  She fucking kissed my boyfriend then told him he shouldn't marry me.  The last straw was the other night when she called while Sean and I were, for lack of a more polite term, getting it on.  Not only did Sean take her call, he freaking left me to go and rescue her.  And before you freaks start harping on me about the fact that she was in a car accident, at this point I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.  The freaking gearshift could have harpooned her stomach for all I care.

So after that fiasco at the Dot the other night, I came home and started looking for somewhere else to live.  If you've been trying to reach me and Sean at home, you probably noticed the house phone was disconnected for a couple days -- it was because we were moving into our new place.  Far far away from Ellie Nash, I might add.  It's a nice little townhouse in a neighbourhood that's not quite as sketchy as some of the other places I've lived... since both Sean and I are making pretty good money right now, we can actually afford a nicer place.

Manny and Jess stopped by work last night.  My boss managed to convince a very drunk Manny to do some pole-dancing on stage... she was actually pretty good.  Still didn't get to see her tatas though. :(  Jess got pretty shitfaced herself, and had this brilliant idea to play truth or dare.  Manny, in her infinite wisdom, chose a dare... and Jess decided she'd dare Manny to kiss me.  Sure, that's any lesbian's dream come true right there... but I had the misfortune of Sean arriving to pick me up from work right when it happened.  He knew it was just for a couple laughs though.  Like I told him, I only have lips for him. ;)  And Heather.  But let's not talk about that, shall we?  Especially now that Jess has placed the fear in me about what might happen if Sean ever finds out.  She told me Sean never had a problem with her fooling around with other girls, so long as she was up front with him about it.  Their relationship ended once he found out she was messing around behind his back.  But it's not like I'm in love with Heather, y'know?  This making out with her is just that, making out.  Doesn't mean a goddamn thing.  And it ends as soon as me and Sean are married.  I mean it.

Housewarming party at me and Sean's this weekend.  BYOB, of course.

Catch you freaks later.
AN~

Note to self:  don't go to Julio's Barrio for Taco Night ever again.  Way too much drama, not enough tacos. Yikes.

Second Note to self:  don't let Sean answer phone calls during sex.  Especially phone calls from Ellie.

Better update coming soon, I promise.  For now I need to go ice my ass, since I hurt it when I got pushed fell off the bed.

AN~

This morning I was woken up to fresh coffee and donuts for breakfast.  That's just how amazing my boyfriend is.  He'd gone on another run with Craig this morning and on his way back he stopped in to Tim Hortons and got me a large double-double and a Boston Cream.  This is true love.

No, really.  I mean it.  Apart from the obvious, I don't know why me and Sean never hooked up sooner.  We're so right for each other.  We love eachother completely.  And we trust eachother.  I think that's what makes us work so great...  we've been friends for years, we've seen eachother at our best and worst, and we just know eachother really well.  I've never been with someone who I could trust like this.  And I know he trusts me exactly the same.  Which kind of makes me feel like shit because me and Heather made out a second time... and I actually remember it this time.

So for you freaks who think we're rushing into this, get over it k?  We love eachother, and that's all that matters.

AN~

Man this song is so fitting... It's not even my style of music, but whatever. The first line says it all about all the shit that happened yesterday.

It seriously was the day from hell. All started when I was trying to change the lightbulb above the dinner table because it had burnt out. I was standing on the table so I could reach the light, and the damn thing broke underneath me. Sean was not too impressed when I called him and told him. But honestly? The table is the least of our worries now.

Last night I got this hysterical call from my mom. She was at the hospital, going on about something happening to Chad. When I got there I was told he'd been attacked by someone and then had a heart attack, and he was dead. Good fucking riddance. Sean was there, he said he'd gotten hurt at work. Fuck, none of this makes sense, not even this morning now I've had a chance to sleep on it. Anyway we brought Mom home. She's staying in our spare room so she doesn't have to be alone. She seriously went off the deep end, so the docs gave her some tranqs. The way she is, she'll just keep popping them and she'll be asleep for days. Probably a good thing.

Then late last night, the cops showed up and arrested Sean for killing Chad. What the fuck. I know Sean was pissed at Chad for punching me, but I didn't think he'd take matters in his own hands. Or that it would go that far if he did. Fuck. I'm gonna go down to the police station this morning... hopefully they let me talk to him. I'm so confused about this whole mess, but I just miss my boyfriend...

Got in a bit of a fight with Cameron last night during dinner. Guess that's what happens when you don't trust his ex-girlfriend's motives first move in with someone. Takes a bit of getting used to each other. But on the plus side, the make-up sex is great. ;) ...and hopefully it was loud enough for Ellie to hear. XD Fuck I love making that bitch jealous.

So... there's been good and there's been bad lately.  I guess I'll start with the good?  It's old news by now, but yeah, it's true, I'm dating Sean Cameron.  Have been for a while now, actually.  And it seems like everyone and their freaking goat has something to say about it.  You try being stuck in the middle when two of your closest friends break up.  And it's not like I planned on hooking up with Sean, because hello?! Gay now.  And to be fair, I wanted to tell Ellie all along.  Sean was the one who suggested we keep it secret.  Seriously, I learnt my lesson the first time when I was with Paige: secrets = not good.  I'm sorry, but if you were in the same boat, you'd have done the same thing, don't deny it.  Just ask Ellie... she's another expert on keeping secrets about dating your roommate's ex-boyfriend.

Sean I had planned a weekend away at the beach... originally it was so we could go out and "be a couple" without anyone we know catching us, but honestly?  It couldn't have come at a better time considering all the shit that went down the night before we were due to leave.  I figured a couple of days without me around would've given Nash the chance to calm down.  Oh, she calmed down alright.  So calm she chucked all my stuff out the apartment window and changed the locks.  Bitch.

Luckily I found a temporary place in the women's emergency shelter to crash for the night, but not before going to my Mom's to see if I could stay there for a while, only to have Chad tell me (with his fists) that I couldn't.  I don't want to stay there any more than I have to, so Sully's been nice enough to let me sleep on one of his couches.  I won't be sleeping on it for too long, though.  I hate relying on other people's generosity or whatever.  One of Sean's coworkers has an apartment he's trying to rent out, so I think me and Sean are gonna move into it, seeing how we're both out of a place to live right now.  Sean's all worried because the apartment just happens to be in the same complex as Ellie's.  I don't really give two shits either way, because honestly?  It's a fucking place to live.  And when you grew up the way I grew up, you're fucking thankful for whatever roof is over your head, so long as its not made out of a cardboard box.

I guess that's what I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving. Heh.

AN~

Let me be the first to announce that Jay Hogart and Ellie Nash are fucking.

Total confrontation at Sean's tonight... It's not cool.  Ellie and Jay now know about me and Sean cuz they caught us/we caught them in the middle of a "romantic" event.  Heh.  Ended in the four of us swinging punches at each other, and with Jay kicking Sean out of their apartment.  Sean dropped me off home and is staying at Spin's indefinitely...  dunno where Nash is right now, I'm guessing her and Jay are probably screwing their brains out at his place right now.  Fucking disgusting.

And I'm going away for the weekend... gonna spend a nice relaxing couple days at the beach.  God knows I need it.

Okay, so does anyone else have retards from Degrassi IMing them?  And by retards I mean people you never associated with, who still go there, and can't spell worth a damn?  And by can't spell worth a damn, I mean spell worse than Spinner?!  Yeah, I know, that seems pretty impossible... but trust me, I've recently experienced a whole new level of crappy English skills.  They are in for a treat with Kwan... hahahahahaha.

The most recent Einstein managed to collect enough brain cells to ask me "r u gay?"  Like, what the hell?  Of course I am, you fucking nosey twat. Although you'd never believe me if you knew I'm currently dating/bedding Sean Cameron.  I'm guessing someone had the decency to advertise my lesbianism on one of the bathroom stalls.  Too bad it doesn't say "For a good time call Lexi @ 416-555-2539" because daaaamn, I need to get laid.  Ohhhh Seeeeean?? Where aaaaare you??  Not that you freaks wanted or needed to know that, but whatever.  When you work where I do, it's hard not to feel lusty all the damn time. :P

Speaking of work, I love this job.  Love it. Sean just loves my uniform ;)  And the tips I'm raking in?  Fuck... I might actually be able to afford nice things for a change.  Like a trip to Mexico or something.  Now that would be freaking cool.

Ah well... I'm bored.  If any of you freaks wanna hang, gimme a shout.
AN~

So I've kinda been walking on air lately... hopefully Ellie doesn't ask me why. I guess things are sorta looking up for me, after everything went to shit for a while. Paige and I are over for good... she just couldn't trust me any more. Fair enough, I guess. I royally screwed us up. I'll never make that mistake again. I stopped wearing our rings around my neck, too. That was really difficult... they'd become like a security blanket, almost. Sorta like my last glimmer of hope that we'd work out or a good luck charm or something. I'm keeping the rings though, can't quite bring myself to let go of them completely...

Finally getting into the swing of things with work, though. I'm starting to really enjoy this job. I make a killing in tips alone. Plus I get to check out naked women while I work. Tell me that's not a dream job right there.

Now that I have money to burn, I want to spend it unwisely... any suggestions? :P

It's my night off tonight, so some of you freaks should hit me up on AIM. Chances are I'll be at home, bored off my ass... or at Sean's... so, um, yeah... Sean and I hooked up last night. I have no idea why we never did before, to be honest. For some reason, we never really saw each other in that way until last night... but we both agreed we'd keep it secret for now. Especially from Nash. Last thing I need is to alienate my closest girl friend, who is also my roommate, by telling her I'm dating my best friend, who happens to be her ex. And then there's the whole Alex is actually a lesbian issue. But that's a story for another day. Oi.

So catch you freaks later,
AN~

So I quit the Dot. That place was sucking my fucking soul. Today was my first day as a bartender at a strip club... oops. And my feet are fucking killing me. I was not designed for the shoes I have to wear with my new work uniform. On the plus side, this uniform beats the fucking brown polyester and visor I had to wear at the CineSquare.

I'm seriously fucking bored with nothing to do... who wants to go get wasted?